Taking the Lead – Women Making the First Move

If you’re a woman wondering if you should take the lead in a romantic situation, now’s the time to shove tradition aside. Women making the first move isn’t something to be hesitant about—it’s something to embrace. 

Gone are the days when women were told they needed to wait by the phone for a man to call (or text). And no more wondering when a man they are dating is going to hold their hand, lean in for a kiss, or ask them over to their place after dinner. The modern dating world is moving toward empowerment and equality, where—no matter who you are, what you look like, or who you love—you can take your dating journey into your own hands.

Do Men Like It When Women Make the First Move?

Yes, men like it when women make the first move! In fact, a study revealed that 95% of men surveyed wanted women to initiate a first kiss or ask for a man’s number. For some men, perhaps it takes the pressure off of having to be the sole initiator. For others, seeing a woman take the lead could be a turn-on, where they are wooed by her confidence in knowing what she wants.

But you don’t need a statistic to tell you what you already know: that the era of women making the first move is here to stay. 

Why Making the First Move as a Woman Is Worthwhile

Making the first move in any scenario can be intimidating. After all, it is a risk! So, if you’re on the fence about whether or not you should take the first step with a guy, keep reading to find out why doing so can be beneficial for your romantic life and your own personal development.

It Empowers You to Go After What You Want

One of the best outcomes of women making the first move is empowerment. When you take action, you’re saying, “I’m here. I’m assertive. I’m equal. I deserve to choose.” No matter how small the question or big the romantic gesture, making a move means that you’re standing in your power to pursue someone who intrigues you. Dating as a strong woman means no more waiting around for someone to sweep you off your feet—you can feel empowered to go after what you want. You just have to take the first step.

It Boosts Your Confidence

Many women might think that you have to be confident to make the first move, but making the first move can actually help you become more confident. 

Consider public speaking: Not everyone is confident in their ability to stand up in front of a crowd (or a Zoom audience) and deliver remarks. But actually getting up on the stage or in front of your camera and doing it can make you more confident over time. Practice makes perfect. 

Apply that same mentality to taking initiative with a man. No matter how shy you are, the more you practice taking the reins in your dating life, the more you’ll be able to date with confidence. Plus, you’ll learn to be more comfortable with the discomfort that comes with waiting for a response or a reaction, remaining confident in the fact that the risk is high but the reward can be high, too. 

It Helps You Weed Out Certain People

When considering who should make the first move, some men still think that they should. While this isn’t necessarily wrong or out of touch, especially if the person they’re dating feels the same way, it can be a red flag to some women. After all, if you take the first step with a man, you want to be respected for that initiative, not shamed. 

Women making the first move have the opportunity to weed out certain people depending on how they react to that “move.” For example, if a man feels uncomfortable with your initiating a first text or a first kiss, maybe that’s not the type of man you’re looking for. If that’s the case, save your first-date conversation starters for later—this is your sign to move on. 

It Gives You Clarity

What does everyone want a little more of in their dating lives? Whether you’re in a situationship or want something more with a friend, chances are that you crave clarity. When you make the first move, you’re expelling all the “will he/won’t he?” questions and paving the way for a clear answer (whether it’s one you want to hear or not). 

Sending the first text or asking for someone’s number or even plainly telling a friend that you have feelings are all actions that can give you a better awareness of the situation. Being straightforward invites a straightforward response, so you’ll know exactly where the other person stands.

It Forces You Out of Your Comfort Zone

Getting out of your comfort zone is important for opening yourself up to new experiences and opportunities. Women making the first move is one way to do that. It helps you realize that you can do hard and scary things! Asking a guy out or taking another first step in a potential romantic situation can be the jumping-off point for various meaningful outcomes, like meeting new people, trying something new, and even overcoming social anxiety. 

How to Make the First Move on a Guy

Knowing how to make the first move on a guy might be easy or difficult, depending on your personality. For example, if you are an introvert, approaching a stranger to ask if they’re single might be your version of a nightmare. But the important thing to remember is that making the first move is possible no matter your comfort level. Just follow these tips.

Texting or Online

Sending a text or a message online is the easiest way for women making the first move to initiate a conversation with a man—the stakes are lower because you’re not face to face. But that doesn’t mean you can skate by with any old message. Craft a good opening line, and make sure to follow these texting do’s and don’ts to text for success.

In Person

Making a move in person is a bit more complex because you are dealing with physical nervousness and anticipating a reaction in real time. Here are some tips for how to make the first move as a girl to make a good first impression:

• You don’t have to make a grand gesture. Something as simple as saying “hi” or “can I give you my number? I think you’re cute” can be a promising first step.
• Pace yourself. Sometimes making the first move might be a gradual process, whether you know the person well or just met. Taking the lead might mean flirting for a while, looking for signs of chemistry, then telling them how you feel or initiating a make out sesh. For both men and women, coming on too strong, too fast, can be a turn-off, so just be aware of the situation and how the other person comes across.
• But don’t wait too long. The more emotionally invested you are, the harder it will be to stomach a rejection. If you feel the need to take the lead, just do it. Go with your gut. If you see a cute guy at the bar, why not say hi?
• Keep high hopes and low expectations. Hope is the motivation for women making the first move, so don’t lose that! But avoid letting your expectations run wild; regulating your expectations can give you a greater capacity to move on.

Most of all, remember that you can do this! Women making the first move is empowering and refreshing and can help ladies everywhere start dating with intention.